I don't want to become a curmudgeon (well, no more than I already am) and taking on the role of the Dear Abby for the web set is almost equally appalling, but there's a couple of things regarding using electronic communication that I'd like to address, especially for those of my friends and acquaintances who are only now starting to use this on your computers and cell phones. Note: I was doing computer communication before most of you even owned a computer or cell phone--some of my friends and I were doing it before there were even cell phones. So, I feel like I've got a bit of time invested in this and would like to share some collected experience with you.

First off, the best way to think about online communication is to compare it to something you are more familiar with. The best analogy is to that of a party. Sometimes you go to a party where you don't know that many people. The way you handle yourself online should be the same as you would at such an event. You introduce yourself, you ask about others, and you follow the flow and ebb of the conversation before starting to engage. You don't (or at least you shouldn't) immediately yell out that everyone in the room doesn't know what they hell they are talking about and they are all stupid. It gets you attention, yes; everyone in the room will turn to see who the asshole is, and some of 'em might deign to insult you, but you just made the worst first impression, and a long-term experience doesn't look positive.

To extend this analogy to Facebook, the social site of least resistance as I'm writing this, when you and I agree to be friends, we're inviting each other to our personal parties. Remember that what you comment on my status update, that happens in my party, just as I need to remember that what I say to you is at your party. Some people's parties are huge! They have 500 friends and a network of thousands that could overhear your comment. Some people have very private parties--I have one friend who caps his friends on Facebook at 50 people. The difference between these two sorts of approaches is as night and day between a college kegger and a formal dinner party. It behooves you to know this. Unfortunately, Facebook doesn't make this easy to understand intuitively. That's a technological failing, but one that you have to deal with.

Some people play games at their private parties. That's great. I'm a gameplayer, and I love games. Not everyone does. Luckily, Facebook helps the latter group by giving you the ability to ignore (per game) messages about that particular function. That's like hosting a party and there's a group of your friends over by the side playing Risk while another group is drinking beer and hanging around the bar-be-que. If you go to a party, and all that's happening is games, and you don't want to engage in that, you have the option of leaving. In Facebook lingo, that's when you click the little X next to that friend and remove them from your friend's list. It's not that you don't think he or she is a wonderful acquaintance, just that you're not interested in going to that party. You can always send email to that person--it's like calling them on the phone. Which, by the way, you can do, too.

I'm sure you've seen this: a friend of yours puts a status update up that says something like "If you love your pet snail, repost this on your own status update so everyone knows that you really appreciate your pet snail." You may have even been tempted to copy and post it as your update. Resist the temptation. If you want people to know how much you love Slowpoke, why not write something about how cute Slowpoke is when he's traveling across the lettuce leaf and you turn the leaf 180-degrees, thus mitigating his process. That is, if you really love your pet snail, why don't you "show, don't tell" your friends about that love.

Clicking the "Like" button is like nodding at the party. It's a nice thing to do, because it tells your friend that you were actually able to hear and appreciate the comment over the din of all the other talkers. Also, take the time to comment on your friends' statuses. If all you do is talk and talk at your own party, without engaging people in their parties, you come across either as a celebrity or an egotistical bastard, such terms being not necessarily mutually exclusive. On the other hand, never saying anything at your own party or at others is like being the wallflower. No one hates you, but people wonder why you bothered to show up at all.

Engaging in political or religious discussions at someone's party is very dangerous, but it's a two-way street. If you mention that kind of thing at your party, don't be surprised at your friends mentioning at their party. So, as a host, if you don't want to talk about politics and religion, don't bring it up. And, if you do bring it up, don't be surprised if a friend of yours disagrees with you. The ultimate rudeness is to then tell them that you don't care what they have to say. What kind of host are you. I left a friend's party because of a similar experience. I didn't feel welcome there anymore.

That said, I like having friends at my party who have different opinions from mine. If all I invited were yes men and sycophants to my party, I think it would be a very dull place. That said, if your opinion differs from mine and all you do is insult my position, don't be surprised if I don't invite you back or show you the boot out the back door.

Finally, think about how you project yourself at your party and at others' parties. That is, are you the joker who's always quick with a witty saying and good-natured ribbing? Are you the dour sourpuss who sits in the corner except to say how life sucks every 15 minutes? Are you a well-rounded person who can talk and enjoy everything or do you have only a couple of push-button topics that consume you? Yes, this is online communication, but chances are that you might actually meet up with some of these people outside of Facebook. How you come across online can determine if people invite you to their in-person parties, as well, not to mention whatever replaces Facebook in the future.